do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
