i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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