Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
