homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
