I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I forget how to act sober
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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