no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
