Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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