he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
