I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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