i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
