i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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