Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
