Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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