i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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