she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
