bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
