3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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