i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
