I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
