Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm like, not good at living.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
