I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
