She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
