Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
