capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
