Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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