Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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