Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
