i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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