I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
