you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
