I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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