dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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