mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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