but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
