All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
