I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
