tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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