didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
