a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
