Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
