Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
