Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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