The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
