My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
