all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
