That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize