I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
