I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
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