I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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