if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
