don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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