matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
