opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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