She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
