Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
