I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
